Why self-awareness is the starting point for becoming the leader your next chapter requires.
Early in my coaching career, I experienced a moment that has stayed with me for years.
I was working with a team whose members represented a wide range of roles, ages, and professional experience. Our work focused on helping them understand their natural talents and how those talents contributed to their success.
During our first group session, I introduced an idea that challenged how many of us have been taught to think about professional development.
Rather than concentrating primarily on improving our weaknesses, what if we invested more intentionally in understanding and developing what we naturally do well?
As I moved around the room, talking through the concepts and engaging the group, I noticed one gentleman leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed.
He had a frown on his face.
And it wasn’t going away.
I was convinced I wasn’t getting through to him.
So I did what many of us do when we think our message isn’t landing.
I tried harder.
I explained more. Asked more questions. Became even more enthusiastic about the concepts.
Eventually, I gave everyone time for individual reflection. I asked them to consider their natural talents, how those talents connected to their work, and where they had contributed to their success.
The room was quiet.
Then, without warning, that gentleman slammed his hand on the table and stood up.
“Where were you 40 years ago?”
Everyone looked up.
He went on to explain that he finally understood something about himself.
For years, he’d wondered why certain responsibilities seemed so natural while others required tremendous effort.
He’d spent so much time trying to improve what didn’t come easily that he hadn’t fully appreciated the value of what did.
He wasn’t resistant to the message.
He was discovering something about himself.
And that discovery changed his perspective.
The Trap of Trying to Become Someone Else
I’ve thought about that moment many times, particularly when working with leaders who are preparing for new responsibilities.
We’re often taught to identify our gaps and work to close them.
And certainly, there are skills we need to develop and responsibilities we must learn to manage.
But somewhere along the way, many of us begin to believe that becoming a better leader means becoming more like someone else.
- We see a confident executive and think we need to become more outspoken.
- We admire a highly organized manager and decide we need to adopt every one of their systems.
- We watch a charismatic leader inspire a room and wonder why we can’t do the same.
- We begin measuring ourselves against someone else’s natural abilities.
The problem?
We’re comparing our way of leading to theirs without fully understanding either.
Learning from others is valuable. Trying to become someone else can cause us to overlook our own greatest contributions.
You Lead as You
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned through coaching is that effective leadership doesn’t come in one personality type or style.
- Some leaders are exceptional at building relationships and creating trust.
- Others naturally see possibilities and connect ideas that others might overlook.
- Some excel at bringing order to complexity.
- Others have an extraordinary ability to recognize potential in people and help them grow.
These different approaches can all produce meaningful results.
The key is understanding what you naturally bring to leadership and learning to use it intentionally.
I often say that leadership begins on the inside.
Before you can effectively lead others, you need to understand yourself.
- What energizes you?
- What comes naturally?
- What situations bring out your best?
- Where do you tend to struggle?
- How do your natural tendencies influence the way you communicate, make decisions, handle conflict, and respond to pressure?
These aren’t simply interesting questions about personality.
They’re practical leadership questions.
Because the better you understand yourself, the more choices you have about how you lead.
Your Strengths May Need to Show Up Differently
Here’s where self-awareness becomes particularly important.
The abilities that helped you succeed in one chapter of your career may need to be applied differently in the next.
Consider a highly driven professional who has built a successful career through hard work, personal accountability, and the ability to get things done.
Those qualities may have contributed significantly to their success.
But when that professional becomes responsible for leading a team, the definition of success changes.
It’s no longer just about what they can accomplish.
It’s about what they can help others accomplish.
Their drive hasn’t become a weakness.
But if they continue using it primarily to take on more work themselves, they may unintentionally limit the growth of their team.
The next chapter requires a different application of the same natural ability.
Or consider a leader who excels at building relationships.
That ability may help them establish trust and create a strong team culture.
But if their desire to preserve relationships makes difficult conversations uncomfortable, they may need to learn how to use that same relationship focus to support honest, constructive accountability.
In both cases, growth doesn’t require abandoning who they are.
It requires greater awareness and intentionality.
The goal isn’t to replace your natural abilities. It’s to develop them so they serve the responsibilities and opportunities ahead.
Knowing Yourself Also Means Knowing What You Need From Others
Another important part of self-awareness is recognizing that we aren’t meant to excel at everything.
That can be a difficult realization, particularly for successful professionals who are accustomed to being capable and dependable.
But knowing where you need support isn’t a leadership failure.
It’s a leadership advantage.
When you understand your natural abilities and limitations, you can build teams and partnerships that complement one another.
You can delegate more intentionally.
You can create systems that support areas where you struggle.
And you can stop assuming that everyone should approach their work the same way you do.
In fact, one of the greatest benefits of knowing yourself is that it often helps you become more curious about others.
Instead of asking, “Why don’t they do this the way I would?” you begin asking, “What do they bring that I might be missing?”
That shift can transform how a team works together.
Becoming the Leader Your Next Chapter Requires
As we move toward the end of the year, many leaders are beginning to think about what’s next.
New goals.
New responsibilities.
New opportunities.
Perhaps a different role, a growing business, or a team that needs something different from its leader.
It’s natural to begin by asking what we need to learn or accomplish to prepare.
But I’d suggest starting with a different question.
What do I need to understand about myself to lead well in this next chapter?
Before adding another leadership technique, consider the foundation you’re building on.
Before adopting someone else’s approach, recognize the abilities and perspectives you already bring.
Before focusing exclusively on what needs improvement, consider what deserves greater investment.
And before deciding what kind of leader you need to become, take time to understand the leader you already are.
A Moment for Reflection
Consider these questions as you think about your own next chapter:
What natural abilities have contributed most to your success so far?
Where have you spent energy trying to become more like someone else?
Which of your strengths might need to be used differently as your responsibilities change?
Where could partnering with someone whose abilities complement yours create better results?
What would change if you approached your leadership development from a place of self-understanding rather than self-comparison?
I still remember that gentleman standing up and asking, “Where were you 40 years ago?”
He couldn’t change the years behind him.
But he had gained something valuable for the years ahead.
A different understanding of himself.
And with that understanding came new possibilities.
The same is true for each of us.
Your next chapter doesn’t begin with becoming someone else. It begins with knowing yourself.
Lead with intention. The world is waiting.